Mama Diaries

Friday, May 6, 2016

The Day of Mayonaise

Yesterday, was Cinco de Mayo - a big party day for Americans and the fine folks in Mexico. (Personally I think it's just an excuse to drink a lot of alcohol.) Anyway, my son learned about this day  in school. But before he did, he had to take a test to see what he already knew. Here's how that went:


Question:  What does Cinco de Mayo mean?


My Son's Answer:  Hold the Mayo.


Question:  What does Cinco de Mayo celebrate?


My Son's Answer:  The glorious existence of mayonnaise.


So there you go, ladies and gentlemen. Cinco de Mayo is all about mayonnaise. Bet you had no idea!




Before I go, I'd like to wish all moms a very Happy Mother's Day! (We celebrate here in the United States this Sunday.)

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Hungry Boys

If you are friends with me on Facebook, you know that Bubba broke his arm on Friday. He was not a happy camper! His friends decided to come over our house and cheer him up. We're talking five teenaged boys. Naturally, we had to feed and entertain them. My husband ordered two large pizzas and two, two-liter bottles of Coke. The boys plowed through all of it in no time.


In the meantime, I had gone to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping. I came home and brought in the food-filled bags. It took several trips. On my last trip, I noticed all five boys digging through the bags. I also noticed five empty yogurt containers sitting on the counter.


"Did you just eat all the yogurt I bought?" I asked.


My son grinned. "Yes. And the blackberries. And the bananas. And the box of pita crackers!"


Oy!


Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Terrifying Bloodworms

"Mama, did you know that bloodworms are the scariest worms on the planet?" my son asked.


I popped out a frozen cube of them and watched it bob in our African clawed frog's aquarium. They were the frog's dinner. "What? These things?" The red blob hardly looked like a terrifying entity.


"Yeah. They're worse than leeches."


"No kidding?" I said. "How do you know?"


"I saw a video. They have sharp teeth and can suck the blood out of you. That's why they're called blood worms."


I had to see this. So I watched a video.






And another.




 


Are you totally grossed out yet?
Those little buggers are at the very least, quite disgusting! I'm so glad Croaky, our frog eats them. The world is a better place because of him!

Monday, April 25, 2016

Peculiar Paint Job

Before I share my story, I wanted to tell you about the sneak peak of the up-coming anthology, The Thing That Turned Me. Contributing author, Tara Tyler, has compiled a list of blurbs from all of the authors. If you like to check it out, go here.


Now for the story.


"Mom," my teenaged daughter said. "I have failed at life."


"What?" I asked. I hardly thought she failed at life.


"Look," she said pointing down at her bare leg.


I looked. She was wearing shorts, but under that, she had something else. "What the heck is that?"


"Body paint."


I squinted, trying to figure out what in the world she had painted on her leg. "Did you paint candy corn on your leg?"


She laughed. "No. I painted the universe. And those are stars."


"Stars?"


"Yeah. See, I told you I failed at life."


I shook my head. "No. But you'd better figure out how to get that candy corn off your leg. And the black abyss they're revolving in."


She came up with a great way. A water balloon fight. She and her friend filled up about a hundred water balloons. By the end of the fight, there was nothing but black streaks running down her leg. So much for the candy corn universe. 

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Challenge Gone Wrong

My twelve-year-old son walked in the house yesterday, completely drenched.


"What happened to you?" I asked.


"I did the water bottle challenge," he answered.


"The what?" I couldn't wait to hear what this was all about.


"My friend challenged me to put a water bottle on my head, with the cap loose. Then I had to ride my bike."


"You rode your bike with an open water bottle on your head?" I couldn't believe it.


"Yeah. It stayed on for about two seconds, and then fell off, and the water spilled all over me."


I shook my head. "Dude. Did it ever occur to you, that it's pretty much impossible to ride a bike and keep anything but a helmet on your head? And why didn't you try this trick with the cap securely fastened?"


He looked at me funny. "Why would I do that? It wouldn't be much of a challenge if the cap was on. The fun is getting wet."


Oh. Right. Of course.
  

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Big Dreams

"Mama," my twelve-year-old son said. "I'm going to buy a yacht."


I looked at the kid. "Really? You're going to need a lot of money to do that!"


"How much?" he asked.


"At least a million dollars," I said.


He didn't believe me, so he had to check it out for himself. He found a nice yacht. It looked like this:




Do you know how much it cost? $99, 950,000.00


"Dude. That's way out of your price range," I said.


"It sounds like a rip-off," he said. "But I still want a yacht."


He walked over to the phone and called one of his buddies. They had a conversation regarding the yacht. After he was done, he came up to me and said, "We've got it all figured out. We're going to split the cost. And if that doesn't work, we're going to buy a cruise ship. Those have to be less expensive than yachts!" 

Monday, April 11, 2016

Chef Bubba's Concoction

My son, Bubba, has been watching the Food Channel's series, Chopped. That's the one where a bunch of chefs compete against each other, and each week a chef is "chopped" out of the series, until only one is left standing. Apparently, this series has motivated the boy to do some creative cooking.


The other day he put down a fancy plate in front of me. Around the edges, was drizzled chocolate syrup. Strawberries and sliced radishes (which he thought were cucumbers) were arranged to look like flowers on the plate. In the middle, were two types of eggs - scrambled with onions, and a couple that were done over-easy.


It looked very nice. (I took a picture, but unfortunately, I have not been able to locate it in my files.)


"Here, Mama," he said. "This is for you."


"Thanks, Bubba," I said. I wasn't too sure about the chocolate - onion - egg - radish combination, but I figured if I didn't mix them, it would be okay.


I started on the scrambled eggs with onions. As I took the first bite, I noticed something wasn't quite right. "Dude, did you put sugar in these eggs?"


He nodded. "Sugar, salt, and pepper. And onions."


I made a face. "How much sugar?"


He shrugged. "About three tablespoons."


Ugh!


The boy passed on presentation, but we're going to have to work on taste, because my boy would have definitely been chopped! (His over-easy eggs were good, though, so there's hope!)