Mama Diaries

Thursday, January 12, 2017

The Polar Bear Club

Yesterday, my son informed me that he had joined the Polar Bear Club at school.

The immediately conjured up images of my boy in swim trunks jumping into a frigid body of water. "You did what?" I asked.

"I joined the Polar Bear Club."

"What exactly do you do in the Polar Bear Club?"

"We go outside for recess when it's cold outside, and everybody else stays inside."

For those of you who don't know, I live in Georgia, where it doesn't get very cold. We're talking an average winter temperature of 45 degrees. "You're telling me that you don't go out for recess when it's less than 50 degrees unless you're a member of the Polar Bear Club?"

He nodded. "That's right."

Wow. Fifty degrees is warm by my winter standards. (I'm from Cleveland, Ohio.) I think I'd even join the Polar Bear Club and wear shorts and a t-shirt outside!  

(But I don't think I'd do this:)


Monday, January 9, 2017

Quick Thinking

My twelve-year-old son and I were at the grocery store the other day. As we stood in line at the checkout, we noticed that there seemed to be a problem. An old Asian man was trying to buy a carton of cigarettes, and the cashier was asking him for his date of birth. Here in the United States, you have to be at least eighteen to buy cigarettes. The cashier needed his date of birth in order to allow the sale to be entered into the cash register.

Well, Mr. Asian Dude didn't speak a word of English. He couldn't understand what the cashier was saying. The line continued to grow as the cashier, other workers, and customers tried to ask him for some kind of identification.

Finally, my boy came up with a brilliant idea. "Mama, do you have your cell phone?"

"Sure. Why?"

"I have an idea."  He took my phone and looked up Google Translate. He guestimated that Mr. Asian Dude was Korean, and proceeded to type a message: "What is your birthday? She needs identification so you can buy the cigarettes," which was immediately translated into Korean.

He showed Mister Asian Dude the phone.  Viola! Mr. Asian Dude nodded and pulled out a paper from his wallet. A Visa.

The cashier looked at it, got the information she needed, and Mister Asian Dude got his cigarettes. Problem solved!  

Monday, January 2, 2017

Question of the Month and a Hairy Situation


It's time for Question of the Month, hosted by Michael D'Agostino. Today's question is, what one thing made you grow up?

Grow up? Who said I ever grew up? I'm just a big kid. But if I have to pick something that has made me a bit more responsible, I'd have to say having my first child. There's something to be said about being responsible for the complete well-being of a helpless baby.   I had learned responsibility when I moved out of my parent's house and had my own place. But having a child added a whole new dimension to things. I couldn't just do whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I not only had to make sure I met the physical needs of my child, but also provide for their emotional well-being. I also had to make sure I was leading by good example. It's a big job!

How about you? What made you "grow up"?

Now for the story:

Schultz, our giant German Shepherd, was getting kind of stinky. He needed a bath.  That meant a dunk in our jacuzi. (Yes, his winter baths are like spa treatments. No outside hoses for these.)

Baths for Schultz are always messy situations. But this time Schultz was exceptionally messy. Why? Because he's shedding. (I have no idea why he'd do that in the middle of winter. It's kind of crazy. But whatever.) By the time Schultz was done, he had covered every square inch of the tub with hair. And did he stop there? No!

He gave himself a big shake in the bathroom. Hair flew everywhere. On the floor. On the walls. Even on the ceiling.

But that wasn't all.

He went out into our bedroom. What happened then? You guessed it. He shook his hairy body and more hair plastered the walls.

After that, he went out in the hall and ran up and down it gleefully. I don't know how he did it, but he managed to cover our white walls with black hair in less than a minute.

Let's just say it took a VERY long time to clean up that mess! I'm still finding German Shedder hairs in places they don't belong!  

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

A Present for the German Shredder

First of all, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Hope you all are enjoying the holiday season.

If you recall, a few weeks ago, our hundred pound German Shepherd, Schultz, found a box and had a great time playing with it. Many of you commented that we should give Schultz a box for Christmas. Well, we took your advice and did just that.

We gave him a box that was almost as big as he is, and then took him outside and let him do whatever he wanted. Let me tell you, the dog had a blast!   He began by ripping down the sides. He clamped on to the box with his big mouth and shook his head ferociously. He threw it into the air. My husband caught it and held it high above the dog. Schultz jumped up and grabbed it. He tore it some more and pranced around the yard with a piece in his mouth.

This little charade went on for about twenty minutes. By the time Schultz was done, the box was completely ripped apart in very small pieces.

My husband picked up the pieces and dumped them into our recycle bin. "Thanks, Schultz!" he said. "Now I don't have to cut up the box."

It's good to have a German Shredder!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Attack of the Cookie Monsters

'Tis the season for baking Christmas cookies. I've been in full swing at my pad, making all sorts of delightful confections. This has not gone unnoticed by the cookie monsters. They lurk in shadowy places, waiting for me to put the cookies in tins and leave them unattended.

The first cookie monster attack occurred about a week ago. I had baked a batch of my famous chocolate chip cookies. (I only bake this recipe at Christmas because they're so decadent.)  The recipe yielded 60 cookies. I placed the cookies in tins, and hid most of them. Unfortunately, it's a little tough to hide that many cookies. One tin was not concealed well enough. Sure enough, the cookie monsters struck. The next morning, the tin was not in its place. When I opened it, the cookies were missing. And the little monsters didn't even leave a thank you note.

I was determined not to let this happen again. I baked a batch of different cookies while the monsters were out. I put them in tins and hid them in the cold basement. I figured they'd be safe there. Unfortunately, the smell of cookies lingered far longer than I had anticipated. As soon as the monsters returned, they smelled cookies.

"Where are they?" the biggest monster asked.

I scowled. "I'm not telling."

"Oh, yeah?" The biggest monster grinned. "Come on," he called to the little monsters. "Let's go find the cookies!"

Their noses led them right to the stash. With a look of triumph, they opened the lid and started munching.

Next year, I'm buying a cookie safe, and locking it down. I've had enough of these cookie monster attacks!

Saturday, December 10, 2016

The Secret Files of Fairday Morrow


Happy 1st book birthday to THE SECRET FILES OF FAIRDAY MORROW! It's been a year since the mystery of the Begonia House was revealed to the world, and now the paperback will be available January 3rd, 2017. The new cover stays true to Fairday's snazzy style, sprinkling in a few added charms. Can you spot the differences from the hardcover? ;) 


Catch the book trailer to find out about the mystery...




Planning to pick up the paperback? Pre-order a copy and you could win a $50 VISA card to treat yourself after the holidays. Contest is open to all! For more details on how to enter, click here.

For more information about the book, visit the DMS at fairdaysfiles.com



The Process of Publishing a Book
By Jessica Haight & Stephanie Robinson

Be ready to put forth a lot of effort!

When we started the publishing process we had no idea what we were getting into. Our book was written, but what were the next steps after having it edited and “ready to go”? We learned a lot along the way, and we'll share some of the highlights here. 

Stephanie Robinson, Unicorn Writers' Conference
1. If you want to write books, start going to writers’ conferences. We gained something from every one we attended, and it’s also awesome to be surrounded by so many people who share your passion for writing. Very inspirational!

 
2. If you decide to go the traditional route, it is important to research the agents you would like to query. You want to make sure the person representing your book loves it too! Be patient. After you write your query and send it off- you’ll have to wait for 1-3 months before you hear back about whether they would like to pass, see a partial manuscript, or read the whole manuscript. During this time- keep writing. Work on your next book!

3. Once you connect with the right agent, you will sign a contract with them. Read it over carefully and check it with other professionals before you sign your name. Make sure you understand what you are agreeing to and what they will do for you. We were thrilled to sign our contract with Talcott Notch Literary Agency, but we’ve heard nightmare stories from friends who had contracts that weren’t acceptable.

Gina Panettieri, Talcott Notch Literary

4. Your agent will start querying editors. After you’ve found the right agent, they will know what to do during this process and will check in with you to let you know where and when they are sending your work. When you hear back from editors, you will typically receive general remarks that you’ll need to consider. Remember, reading is subjective and even JK Rowling was rejected before her first Harry Potter book was published.

Signed contract with Delacorte Press
5.  When you sign with an editor you will most likely do a happy dance and run around screaming, like we did. Depending on the size of the publishing company the time frame to begin edits will vary. We signed our contract in October, but didn’t begin working on edits until March. The editing continues as the art department works on illustrations and cover art for the book. Once all the pieces are in place, the book is printed as an ARC- advanced reader copy.
 
6. ARCs have errors and the publishing company is working to fix them, but time is limited to get them done and errors cost money to fix. We read through our ARCs and made a list of all the mistakes we found. We were able to fix one of them because it isn’t easy to fix them at this stage, but luckily the editors had already fixed the other mistakes we had found (though we didn’t know for sure until the book was out).   

The ARCs for THE SECRET FILES OF FAIRDAY MORROW
7. After the ARCs you will keep working on your other writing while you wait for trade reviews to come in. Ours came a few months before the book was out.

8. Release day! You'll be a bundle of nerves seeing your book out in the world. It's exciting, but you may feel a little vulnerable. Make sure to celebrate and enjoy the moment!
Voila! The finished product.
If you decide to publish traditionally, take your work seriously and protect your creative space. You are your own best advocate, so believe in yourself and fear not the unexpected! ;)


Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Mama's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Let me tell you about my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Which was actually kind of funny, in a weird sort of way.

Georgia, the fine state in which I live, had experienced a drought. We had no rain for a couple of months. Well, that all changed on the day my son and I were scheduled to go Christmas caroling with a nice group from church. Of course, on that day, the heavens opened, and the rain came down. Mama got soaked. Did I mention it was cold?

Then, I came home (still wet and cold) and did some laundry. Except I had a little problem. Somebody had lost the cap to the laundry detergent. You may or may not be familiar with how the mega-sized liquid detergent bottles work. There are actually two spouts. One is a spigot, where you press a button and detergent flows out, and the other is the cap, where you can pour it out. Since my washing machine is a tall, super high power thing, it's much easier to use the spigot. Which I did. But I didn't notice that the cap was missing on the other opening. Guess what happened?  As I used the spigot, I tilted the container. As I did, liquid detergent poured out of the top, onto my head, and on my clothes.

So now, I was cold, wet, and covered in detergent.

But that's not all.

I went down to the kitchen to pack my kids' lunches for school. As I reached for the sandwich bags, which were on a very high shelf in the pantry, I knocked something over. A glass bottle of shrimp cocktail sauce. It splattered on the floor, breaking in a million pieces, covering me, the cabinet, and the floor with red goop.

All I could think was, why?   Why couldn't the shrimp cocktail sauce have fallen first? And then the detergent, and then the cold rain. At least I would have been clean. But no. I had to end my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day  as a strange-smelling, cold, grouchy, irritated catastrophe.

Oy!