Mama Diaries

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

No Rest for the Mama

I've been running around like a maniac.  (Which is why I haven't been in the blogosphere much, lately.)  As a result, my Energizer batteries are wearing down.  I  need a recharge. So, I thought I'd try a ten minute power nap.  I've heard those work pretty well.

This morning, after I took my son to school, and before I had to take my daughter to school, I lay down on the sofa and closed my eyes.  I figured it would be a good time for one of those ten minute power naps.

As soon had I lay down, a rather large, furry creature walked up to me and gave my face a good sniff.

"Schultz!" I complained.  "Go away!"

The giant German Shepherd lumbered off.  I figured he'd leave me alone for the remaining nine minutes.

But no.  He went off, got himself a big drink of water, and came back to me - his jowls dripping with water.  He stood next to me, and dripped all over my arm.  "Schultz!  Just go away!"

He walked off.  That left seven minutes and thirty seconds for my power nap.

About forty-five seconds later, the beast returned.  This time he had his slimy ball on a rope in his mouth.  He was ready to play.  He dropped it on my shoulder.

I knocked it off.

He picked it up.  And dropped it on my shoulder.

"Come on, Schultz.  Give me a break!" I complained.

He nudged the ball against my shoulder.  I threw it.  He chased it and brought it back.

This went on for five minutes.

Finally, the game stopped.

I looked at my watch.  One minute left of my power nap. I lay down and closed my eyes.  Fifty-nine seconds later:  "Mom, it's time to leave!"

So much for the power nap.

(I would like to wish all of you who celebrate Easter or Passover a very happy holiday!  I'm not sure if I'll be around in the next couple of weeks, because I have a lot going on.  I'll be back when I'm back!)

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Pet Tiger

"Mama," my ten-year-old son said.  "Can we get a pet tiger?  Two of them?"

I looked at that kid.  "Excuse me?"

"Tigers are cute.  And they'd be good house guards," he explained.

"What about Schultz (our German Shepherd)? He's cute. And he's a good watch dog."

Bubba shook his head.  "Schultz is too friendly.  Tigers would do a better job."

Right.  Does anyone know where I can get a "Beware of the Tiger" sign?

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Miz Lemon

Meet Miz Lemon.  At two years old, she is the oldest living balloon.  Miz Lemon has been a very nice family member.  She's quiet.  She stays out of trouble.  And she's very pleasant.  Unfortunately, Miz Lemon is going through an accelerated aging process.  Every day, she loses more air, and her wrinkles become more pronounced.  I'm afraid Miz Lemon has only a few more days to live.

"I don't want Miz Lemon to die!" said my son.  "I'm going to miss her!"

I put my arm around the boy. "We'll all miss her, Bubba."

"Are we going to have a funeral for her and bury her in the backyard?"

I smiled.  "We will most certainly give her a proper burial."

"Good," said Bubba.  "Because she doesn't deserve to be thrown in the garbage.  She was the best balloon that ever lived!"

Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Owl Talk

This morning, before the sun had even thought about coming up, my son and I were standing at the bus stop.  As we stood, we heard an interesting sound:  Who. . . Who. . . Who,Who,Who,Whoooo!

"An owl!" I said.

Bubba grinned.  "Can I try talking to it?"

"Sure, Bubba.  Go ahead."

He raised his head and called, "Who. . . Who. . .Who, Who,Who,Whooo!"

He listened. No response.  "Never mind.  I don't speak owl," he said.

No sooner were the words out of his mouth, when the owl called back, "Who. . .Who. . .Who, Who,Who, Whoooo!"

Bubba was thrilled. He called, again, and the owl responded. The two carried on their conversation until the bus came.

"I like owls," Bubba said as he got on the bus.  "They're really smart.  That one knew exactly what I was saying!"

Saturday, March 21, 2015

The Boy and His Box

Last night, when I went into my son's room to tuck him in, I didn't see him.  I wondered where he might be.  Then I spied a giant box on the floor, flipped upside down.  I suspected I might find the missing kid under it. Sure enough, I found the boy curled up in a little ball under the box.

"How did you find me?"  he asked.

"Well, Bubba, it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that a box is a good place to hide."

He grinned.  "You know what else boxes are good for?"

"No, Bubba. What else are they good for?"

"Going for airplane rides."  He flipped the box over and sat inside.  Then he opened the flaps on the sides.  "See. Wings!"  He flipped the back flap open.  "Tail!"  Then he proceeded to make airplane sounds.

I just watched, amused by his creativity.

When he was done, he curled up inside.  "I'm tired from all that flying.  So now my box will be a bed."  He closed the flaps over him.  "Goodnight!"  

Thursday, March 19, 2015

The Art Project

My teenage daughter came out of her room with glitter all over her face.

"Um, you look a little sparkly," I said.

She nodded.  "Yeah.  I was trying to get glitter on my eyelids, but I ended up spilling it all over the place."

"Oh," I said.  "Was that glitter, makeup glitter?"

"No.  It's the glitter you gave me."

I frowned. "You realize that was supposed to be for art projects, not makeup applications, don't you?"

She looked at me and grinned.  "But Mom, my face is an art project!"

Wednesday, March 18, 2015

Schultz's Big Escape

The canine you see in the picture has been a very bad dog!  His name is Schultz, and he's our hundred pound German Shepherd.

Yesterday, the beast escaped.  Yes.  He went missing for over four hours.  None of us have any idea of how he did it.  My daughter and I had gone to the mall.  When we came back, my husband and the beast were missing.  My daughter and I assumed the dog with with the husband.  But no.  When the husband came back, the dog was not with him.

"Um, excuse me," I said.  "Where's Schultz?"

My husband looked around.  "I don't know.  I thought he was with you."

"Nope.  Not with me."

Thus commenced the dog search.  I stayed home while the search party went out.  It's a good thing I did, because while they were out, an unfamiliar car pulled into my driveway.  I looked closely, and who do you think I saw?  Yes.  The giant beast in the back seat, taking up practically the entire back end of the car.

I guess he had wandered into another neighborhood, a ways away, and found another dog to play with.  Fortunately, Schultz is a nice dog, and let the other dog's owner put a leash on him, and take him home.

Now Schultz is in the dog house.  Literally.  Let's just say he'd better not try that stunt, again!

(And what did the cat think of all of this?  This picture pretty much sums it up:)