Mama Diaries

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Duck Milk

You would not believe some of the conversations I've had with my kids.  Last night, I had a rather interesting one with my teenage daughter.  I was helping her study for a science test which involved discussing the topic of reproduction.

"Did you know that men can produce milk?" she asked.

"No they can't!" I said.

"Yes, they can.  Look."  She pointed an article she found on the internet. "They have the hormones to do it.  I bet if a baby sucked hard enough, some milk would come out."

I tried very hard not to laugh.  "I bet in the whole history of the world, there has not been a single man who has produced one drop of milk for a baby!"

She was very insistent.  "But they have the ducks to do it!"

The ducks?

(She quickly caught her mistake, and we both started laughing.  So much for that study session!)

Monday, September 15, 2014

Mister Fix-it

Yesterday afternoon, I was attempting to get the weeds out of our front flower beds.  My husband saw me stooped down and came over to investigate.  "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Weeding," I replied.  "Except the ground is really hard, and I can't seem to get all of the roots."

"Oh," he said, and walked away, into the garage.

Two seconds later, a sprinkler head popped out of the ground.  It was right where I was working.  I bet you can guess what happened.  Yes.  The darn thing sprayed my face!

"Hey!" I shouted, dripping wet. "Why did you do that?"

He laughed.  "I'm fixing it.  The ground should be nice and soft now, so you can weed better!"  

(Right.  Thanks.)

Friday, September 12, 2014

Making a Minecraft Server

"Mama," my ten-year-old son said.  "Can you make a Minecraft server for me?"

I looked at that kid funny.  "Dude, I can make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, but I think a Minecraft server is a little out of my league."

"But it's easy.  I know you can do it!" He dragged me over to the computer and pulled up a site on how to make a server.  "Read this!"

I did.  And it looked like Greek to me.  There was no way I was going to be able to create a server to hold an entire Minecraft world.  I wrote down the instructions and proceeded to fumble my way through it.  I did okay.  But then I got to the fine print.  The part where they wanted money.  "Bubba," I said.  "This is going to cost a lot of money each month!"

"But I think there's a free one," he said.

I looked at the terms for that one.  "Yeah.  It's free, but as soon as you shut off your computer, the server is going to disappear.  What good is that?  There's no way I'm doing all this work to have it disappear!"



End of story!

Now for a little something else:  I did a radio interview (a very short one) about Solving the Hunger Problem.  If you'd like to listen, you can find it here.  It's episode 20.  (I have not been able to listen to it, and have been told the problem is with my computer.  If anyone else has problems listening, please let me know!  Hopefully it turned out okay!)

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

World's Worst Tooth Fairy

My husband is not the tooth fairy.  I know this for a fact.  A couple of nights ago, some time after 11:00 PM, my son lost his tooth.  Or I should say, yanked it out.  He proudly marched downstairs and presented the bloody thing to my husband, who was still watching TV.

"Make sure the tooth fairy comes, Dad!" Bubba said.

Well, the tooth fairy didn't come, because the tooth fairy was already in bed, and had no idea that she was needed on the job.

The next morning, when I was making breakfast, my daughter came downstairs.  "Mom," she said.  "Dad forgot to be the tooth fairy.  You need to get up there and do it!"

"Bubba lost a tooth?" I asked.

"Yeah.  He woke me up, so I heard all about it," she said.

I quickly found some cash in my purse and rushed upstairs to take the tooth.  Fortunately, the boy was still sleeping.

Ten minutes later, I officially woke him up.  Of course, he had to check to see if the tooth fairy came.  He was quite pleased when he saw the cash.  "I guess Dad's not the world's worst tooth fairy," he said.


Sunday, September 7, 2014

Remembering Tina Downey

On August 23, 2014, the blogging community lost a very special lady.  Tina Downey struggled with pulmonary hypertension, hypoglycemia, and sever asthma.  But did she let that get in the way of being cheery and supportive?  No way!  Tina was one of the most supportive, funny people in the blogosphere, and she always had great things to say in her comments.

So we in the blogging community are remembering this awesome person and celebrating the life we were so privileged to share.

I planted these sunflowers for you, Tina!  Thanks for brightening our days!

Friday, September 5, 2014

Canine Resemblance

Yesterday, our giant hundred pound German Shepherd, Schultz, came up to me wanting a little attention.  He stuck his enormous head in my lap and looked at me.  That meant, "pet me."  So I did.

My daughter walked into the room.  "Awww," she said.  "Your baby loves you!"

I looked at the big hairy thing.  And then I looked at my daughter.  "Schultz is not my baby!"

"Yes, he is, Mom."

I shook my head.  "I have no recollection of ever having given birth to this thing!"

My daughter grinned. "But he looks just like you.  He's a hairy cutie-pie!"  

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Crazy Mama

I'm not talking about me (I'm not crazy, am I?).  I'm talking about my mom.  (Which if you answered "yes" to the last question, would explain a few things.)

My mom is an incredibly awesome, fun-loving person who has this terrific zest for life.  This woman knows how to live.  She's been all over the world, and has done so many things.

So when I was talking to her this morning, she had some exciting news to share.  "I'm going zip-lining!"  (She's sixty-five years old, in case you were wondering.)

"That's awesome!" I said.  Then I told her that was on my bucket list.

"Too bad you don't live closer," she said.  "Then we could do it together!"

"Yeah," I agreed.  "We'd have a blast doing a lot of things!"  Then I thought about the rest of my bucket list.  "Hey, do you want to go sky diving?"

She laughed.  "That's not real high on my bucket list.  But maybe if I get Alzheimer's I'll do it, because I'll think I'm jumping off the sofa or something!"

Excellent.  So maybe it'll look like this:  One demented one-hundred and ten year old woman jumps out of an airplane with her crazy ninety-year-old daughter. . .  Hopefully we'll remember our parachutes!