Mama Diaries

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Smart Dog

German Shepherds are known to be smart dogs. Our 11-week old puppy is proving that he is one smart pooch. Not only has he learned all the standard tricks like sit, down, come, shake, and stay, he managed to turn on my son's Nintendo DS that was lying on the floor AND open the sliding door using his leash. I thought I was being brilliant by attaching his leash to the handle while I went into the other room. He figured out that if he moved the bird cage and dragged the leash, he could open the door. When I arrived in the room a few minutes later, he was sticking his nose out the door.

The dog even knows to go into his crate when he's tired. He opens the door and plops himself down on the blanket.

"Mom," my daughter commented after watching the pooch tuck himself in, "That dog is smarter than me. I'd be staying up all night!"

Monday, November 29, 2010

Spaghetti Head

This evening, my children an I were gathered around the dinner table eating a plate of spaghetti.

"Mom," my daughter blurted, "Wouldn't it be great if people had spaghetti hair?"

I didn't say anything. I just looked at her while chewing a mouthful of spaghetti.

"Yeah, and the sauce could be a hat," my son chimed in. "Like this..."

"Don't even think about it," I said as I wisked a spaghetti noodle out of his hand.

Where do kids come up with these things?

Sunday, November 28, 2010


"Where are my shoes?" I griped this morning as I attempted to go outside to get the newspaper.

They weren't in my usual spot. I'm usually pretty good about putting my stuff where it belongs (unlike the other members of my family).

I looked in the laundry room. I looked in the kitchen. I looked in the front hall. I looked in the family room. Let me tell you, I was getting pretty upset about not finding my shoes.

Then my nine-year-old daughter came in from taking the dog outside. Guess what were on her feet?


Saturday, November 27, 2010

Jigson Club

My kids and the neighborhood kids have this new club. It's called the Jigson Club.

"Mom, come see our club," my daughter called.

I bundled up and headed out into the woods. The kids had made a nice little fort with fallen branches, and covered it with an old sheet.

"Nice," I said.

"Look at our price list," my daughter said as she shoved a stack of papers at me.


"We're selling things."

There were an assortment of pet rocks, pom-pom pets, and other creative doo-dads and what-nots. Leave it to my entrepreneurial daughter to make it a business. I knew I was getting suckered into this one.

I now have a lovely pet rock sitting on the counter in my kitchen. Guess how much it cost? $3.00. What a deal!

Friday, November 26, 2010


What is it with guys and X-Box? Even the puppy seems to like X-Box. The first thing he does when he's feeling particularly frisky, is run in the family room and grab the X-Box control in his mouth.

It must be genetic.

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Dog Boy

As I was walking down the hall, I spotted a strange-looking creature. It looked a little like a boy, but it was walking on all fours with a towel hanging out of its mouth.

I observed this creature for a while. I watched it pick up a rubber snake with its mouth. Then it poked its head under some blankets and curled up in a ball.

"Odd," I thought. I didn't say anything.

I went to another room for a while and came back to the hall. In the middle of the floor was the creature curled up on a pillow.

"Um, what exactly are you"" I asked the creature.

"Dog boy. Woof, Woof!"

Tuesday, November 23, 2010


Silence. Now that's something I don't get much of. This evening I got some. The kids were gone. The grandparents were gone. The husband was gone. And the dog was sound asleep in his crate.

Ahhh. What a wonderful thing!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Cup Castle

Today I visited the dentist with my son. As I sat in the chair getting my teeth cleaned, my son became fidgity. "Mom, I'm bored."

"Then do something creative," I responded.

Maybe I should've thought that out before I responded, because my little guy got really creative - with the dentist's rinsing cups.

He pulled out a dozen cups and started stacking.

"Look, Mom! It's Grandpa Bowser's Castle (a Mario character, for those of you who are unfamiliar with the name, Bowser)."

He continued stacking, making various castle configurations with those cups.

The hygienist laughed. "Well, at least he's busy!"

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Dancing in the Restroom

This afternoon, my family and I went to the Cheesecake Factory for lunch. While we were there, we had to use the restrooms. My father took my son to the men's room, and I took my daughter to the lady's room.

There was quite a line in the lady's room. We stood in line and started to get a little bored. That's when we noticed that the music that was playing had a good beat. Soon my daughter and I were tapping are feet and doing some dance moves. Another lady and her daughter joined in. It looked a little crazy, but it was great fun.

When we came out of the restroom, we were greeted by my son and father.

"Mommy, guess what?" my son said, all excited. "Grandpa and I were dancing in the bathroom!"

What can I say? Great minds think alike.

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Painting the Town.

It was a gray day as my kids and I drove through Indiana to Indianapolis.

"Mom, this town needs to be painted," my nine-year-old artistic daughter said. "Look at the sky. Look at the road. Look at the trees. Everything is gray!"

"Hmmm," I said as I looked around. "Well, not everything. The grass is brown."

"It's ugly!" she exclaimed.

"You are right," I agreed. "Let's paint the sky blue with rainbows. Let's paint the grass green with red and yellow flowers. Let's paint the road purple and pink."


So, if you happen to be driving along Interstate 74 in Indiana, and you notice that things look a little more colorful than usual, you'll know who did it!

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Ooey Goo

This evening, as I was trying to deal with our nippy obnoxious puppy beast, my daughter, her friends, my son, and his friends decided to have a great science experiment in my kitchen. They pulled out two boxes of corn starch, food coloring, and water. Then they pulled out a package of paper cups and the Usborne book of Science Experiments. They mixed, and poured, and came up with some God-aweful sticky concoction which they poured into the cups.

"What are you going to do with that?" I asked staring at the huge mess in front of me as the dog nipped at my heels.

"We're going to sell it!"

"Oh yeah? To who?"

"Our friends."

"How are you going to do that?"

"We'll put it in our club house and advertise."

"Great," I said as the dog had an accident on the floor.

I think a nice vacation on a warm, sunny beach sounds pretty good about now (without the kids and the dog).

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Mama Luigi

My six-year-old son gave me a compliment. I think. He said, "Mom, I like Luigi better than Mario."

"Why is that?" I asked.

"Mario's fat, like this," and he stuck his hands way out demonstrating how big Mario's belly was.

"Hmmm. I see," I said. "And what about Luigi?"

"Luigi is skinny. Like you."

Monday, November 15, 2010


This has been one of those days when I wish somebody else would do my job.

The dog has diarrhea, and my son is vomitting.

Any volunteers?

Sunday, November 14, 2010


This morning my son came in from playing outside. He was covered in mud, feathers, and paint. "What are you doing out there?" I asked, amazed that he could get so dirty so soon.

"I'm making pet rocks and Indian hats," he replied.

"You're a mess!" I exclaimed.

"You are too," he countered.


"Go look in the mirror."

I marched over to the mirror and peered at my reflection. Sure enough, dried pancake batter was plastered in my hair.

I guess it's genetic.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

Propeller Head

"Mom, I want a propeller hat," my six-year-old son remarked.

"A what?"

"A propeller hat - just like the one Super Mario has."

"Oh," I said. I knew Mario had to be involved in this somewhere. "Why?" I asked.

"So that when an F5 tornado comes through, I can fly through the air and travel to another state. Wouldn't that be cool?"

Um, yeah.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Patriotic Pride

Today, my kids' school had a wonderful assembly for Veterans Day. Veterans were invited to attend. My father came all the way from Cleveland (a four hour drive). After a tour of the Black Hawk helicopter, the school welcomed the veterans and sang patriotic songs. It was really touching to hear all of the brave men and women's names called as they came forward to receive certificates from the school honoring them for their service.

I have to admit, I got all teary-eyed as I listened to my kindergartener belt out, My Country Tis of Thee, as he sat on his grandpa's lap.

I am so proud to be American. Thank you to all the veterans who have served this country!

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Asleep on the Bus

This morning, at about 11:15 AM I was standing at the bus stop waiting to pick up my son from school. The bus pulled up. I looked at my son. It appeared that his eyes were closed.

"No, it couldn't be," I thought. "Did he actually fall asleep on the bus?"

As soon as the bus stopped, he tipped over.

That poor kid did fall asleep on the bus! I guess the sleepless nights with the puppy are catching up to all of us!

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Deja Vu

I feel like I've done all this before; the sleepless nights, tripping over toys, diaper duty (or a variation thereof). Why did I let my kids talk me into getting a dog? As I tripped over the kong on the kitchen floor for the eleventh time, I couldn't help thinking that I must be crazy!

But at least it's cute!

Monday, November 8, 2010

Fingerprints and Noseprints

My sliding glass doors that lead to the backyard are usually covered with handprints and fingerprints at about the three foot height. I'm sure you can probably guess the cause: the kiddies who come in and out all day long.

Now at about the six inch mark, there's a new bunch 0f prints: nose prints. Guess who made those? The German Shepherd puppy!

Those doors really have a lot of character!

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Potty Training the Pooch

Would you believe that it's easier to potty train a dog than it is a human child? Maybe it's because they have some inate sense to not defacate in their sleeping quarters.

We just got our eight-week-old German Shepherd puppy two days ago, and today, he seems well on the way to being potty trained. He whines when he has to go out. We take him out, he sniffs around, does his thing, and we go back in the house.

Why couldn't it have been this easy with my son?

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Elusive Sleep

I have re-entered the world of the sleep-deprived. As expected, Schultz, our new puppy, kept us up quite a bit last night. He'd whine for about an hour in his crate, fall asleep for about an hour, then wake up and do it all over again. Did I mention going outside in the freezing cold for a potty break? At least with the kids, I was able to stay nice and warm!

Needless to say, we're all a little tired here.

Even my daughter, who begged for the puppy, said this morning, "That dumb dog! Can we take him back?"

I don't think so.

Friday, November 5, 2010

Schultz has Arrived!

Our German Shepherd puppy, Schultz, has come home. He is the cutest little fur ball! He seems to be rather smart too. My kids are so unbelievably happy!

My daughter nearly jumped out of her skin when she got off of the bus. "Mommy, Mommy, is he here yet?"

"Pretty soon," I replied.

Then he arrived. The kids went crazy! Schultz wagged his little tail and licked their faces.

Let's hope they are still thrilled with him after he keeps us up all night!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Last Day of Relative Tranquility

Today is the last day of relative tranquility in my life. Well, maybe not my entire life, but for a good ten years, anyway. Why? The puppy is coming tomorrow. Yes, the adorable bundle of fur and tongue, otherwise known as a German Shepherd, will be arriving some time tomorrow afternoon. The kids are ecstatic.

I've been staring at the floors all day, trying to engrain in my head what scratch-free, hair-free floors look like. I know they won't be staying that way for long. I'm also trying very hard not to remember what sleepless nights are like. Unfortunately, I haven't forgotten. Here we go again!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Bandit Strikes Again

Do you remember that raccoon that has been stealing cat food from the cat's bowl? Well, he's at it again. This time it was with my son's Halloween candy.

My brilliant little guy took his bucket of candy outside and left it there overnight.

"Mom, where's my candy?" he asked the next day.

"Probably where you left it," I replied.

He marched outside and came back a few minutes later. "Mom, I think a bear ate it!"

I went outside to have a look. Candy wrappers were scattered everywhere, torn up like no human would do. "Nope," I replied. "It was the raccoon."

I guess that's one way to get rid of access candy.

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Bear Poison

There's been a bear sighting in Loveland, Ohio. That's where I live. I don't know what that thing is doing around here, but it certainly isn't welcome.

My kids and some of the neighborhood kids decided to do something about it.

"Mom, I need a mug," my nine-year-old daughter said.

"What for?"

"You'll see."

She filled the mug with water, and put it in the microwave for about a minute. Then she went in the spice cupboard and pulled out an assortment of spices. She took her collection and headed outdoors.

A few minutes later she ran back inside. "Mom, you gotta see this!"

I went outside to see what the fuss was about. She led me to a big tree that obviously had some markings from a creature rubbing against it. "Look at those bear claw marks on the tree!"

"Hmmm," I said as my eye caught the mug on the ground next to the tree. There were some berries, leaves, and a cigar butt from my husband's last smoke added to the hot water and spices. "What the heck is that?" I asked.

"Bear poison!"

Monday, November 1, 2010

Candy Monster

"Mommy, Daddy has been eating my candy!"

Such was the comment of my nine-year-old daughter as she inspected her bucket of Halloween candy this morning.

I went over to take a look. Sure enough, there was a definite dent in the candy. I hadn't confiscated any to freeze it, so I knew the culprit was somewhere in the house.

My daughter and I walked over to Daddy's "spot" on the sofa. Guess what we found? That's right. Candy wrappers!

That Daddy!