Mama Diaries

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Lemonade Stand

It was about ninety degrees outside today.

"Mama, can we have a lemonade stand?"  my daughter asked.  "Our friend wants to do it too."

"First of all, it's really hot.  Second, we're in a cul-de-sac that doesn't get much traffic.  Are you sure you want to do this?"


So we set up the lemonade stand at the end of our driveway.  Would you believe we actually had customers?  First, the mail person bought one.  Then a couple of lawn company guys bought some.  Then some construction workers came over at bought some.  I couldn't believe it.  We did better at the end of our driveway than we did at the pool last year.

"So what are you gooing to buy with that money?" I asked the neighborhood kid. 

"A rock at the natural history museum."  Apparently my son showed him his rock collection, and that inspired him.

"I'm saving for a house," my six-year-old son said. 

That's my boy.  We better have a lot of lemonade stands then! 

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Burning the Midnight Oil

My daughter had a sleepover last night at our house.  You should've seen the list she had for things to do.

I looked at the list.  "Go swimming? Eat Pizza? Watch a movie?  Eat popcorn?  Write in diaries?  Tell ghost stories?  Bedtime 1:30 AM?  What kind of plan is this?"

My daughter laughed.  "It'll be the best sleepover ever!"

Right, I thought.

One by one, she crossed the activities off of the list.  (Yes, we did go swimming at 8:30 PM.)  At 10:00 we were catching fireflies.  At 11:00 I had had enough of staying awake, so I let the kids do their own thing.

They finally went to bed some time after 1:30 AM.

Needless to say, it was hard getting everybody up this morning.  My kids fell asleep many times in the car today.  It's going to be an early night tonight.

(And yes, my daughter said it was the best sleepover ever.)

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Do-Wop Kid

My dad is really into the 50's and 60's.  He even drives around in a '67 Corvette Convertable.  My kids love when Grandpa comes into town, because they get to cruise around in his cool car and listen to do-wop music.

Grandpa wasn't here today, but my son had a "do-wop" cloud above his head, thanks to Grandpa's last visit.

"Mom, I want to listen to 'Remember When' by the Earls."

I did a search on You Tube and found it.

That kid sat in the office singing at the top of his lungs, "Re mem mem, re mem me me ber, re mem mem, re mem me me ber......" for an hour.

Then he got on the phone and called Grandpa and sang it with him for another twenty minutes.

"This is the best song ever!" he said.

Now I suppose I'll have to find a CD of it for his birthday.  Thanks, Grandpa.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Kitchen Pixie Wanted

"Woman!" my husband called.  "Hungry!"  (He sounds like a caveman, doesn't he?)

I sighed and took my post at the kitchen stove.  I put together a delicious French dish that of course required a lot of pots and pans.

Two hours later, we sat down to eat. 

My husband and son practically inhaled the food. 

"Woman!" my six-year-old son called.  (Where do you think he got that from?)  "Clean these dishes!"

"Excuse me?" I said.  "How about, 'Thanks for the great meal.  I'll help clean up?'"

I tell you, I get no respect.

Two seconds later, "Mom, I need you!"  My son needed help with his Lego set.

"Here's your choice kid, "  I said.  '"You either help me, wait for me to finish, or hire another kitchen pixie."

"Hire another kitchen pixie."

Any takers?

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Working Man

"Mama, I want to wear a tuxedo today," my six-year-old son announced.

"A tuxedo?" I asked.  "You don't even own a tuxedo."

"Yes I do."  He ran over to his closet and pointed to his suit.

"That's a suit.  Why do you want to wear that?"

"It's a work day.  I have to go to work."

"Dude, it's Sunday."

"My company is open every day except Saturday."

"What company is that?" I asked.

"Spy Company Incorporated."

I let the boy dress in a suit.  He did a pretty good job, except that the buttons weren't quite lined up correctly on his dress shirt, and his tie was a little crooked.

"Let's work on your summer homework packet," I suggested after he was all dressed.

So he sat at the table doing his homework wearing his suit.

He looked very responsible.

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Boy Genious

This morning my son announced that he wanted to make breakfast for me.  Wasn't that nice?  Except the fruit he was going to use was about two weeks old and growing some white stuff on it.

He sliced a banana.  He put some watermelon pieces on top of that.  Then he took a look at the strawberries.  They were loaded with white stuff.  (In case you're wondering, we were out of town for a week, so the fruit had not been eaten or discarded.  I don't normally have disgusting fruit in my refrigerator.)

"Mama, I don't think I should use this fruit," he said.

"Good call," I replied.

"Are you glad I'm using my brain and thinking?" he asked.

"Yes," I said.  "It's a good thing you're using your brain, because otherwise Mommy might end up in the hospital from food poisoning."

"I'm a genious."

Umm.  Right. 

Friday, June 24, 2011

Death of the Pig

While I was away (I've been gone for about a week, in case you didn't notice), my husband was in charge of our German Shepherd, who I affectionately call, The Beast.  The Beast is a most destructive character.  My husband made the mistake of letting him roam around the house without a leash.

The Beast found our footstool pig.  Several years ago, my husband bought this thing from our neighbor's garage sale.  It was a most preposterous thing, but it soon became a well-loved part of the family.  Well, the dog decided to chew off its eyeballs.

I came home and found an eyeless pig with a broken leg .  It was a sad sight.  The dog of course, was banished to his crate.  Again.

(We did find a good use for the dog, though.  We found that he has a talent for catching and killing flies.  So I guess we'll keep him.)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Foam Fun

My daughter had a dance performance at a local berry festival.  The atmosphere was  very carnival-like.  There were rides, and concession stands, and vendors of all sorts.  The hi-light was a bubble pool.  A machine cranked out sudsy foam and poured it into a giant pool.  Kids could run around in it  and get covered in bubbles/foam or whatever it was.

The dance team was up on the stage getting ready to perform when a big gust of wind blew the foam all the way over to the stage.  The girls went crazy.  They were screaming.  They were laughing.  They were acting like a bunch of nutcases.

We managed to calm them down, but after the performance, guess what they did?  They changed out of their costumes and headed into the foam pool.

They were covered from head to toe in white suds.  It was quite a sight.  I think it was the best two dollars I had ever spent.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Sniffing Ice

No, I'm not talking about some new kind of drug (although I'm sure there is a drug known as "Ice.").  I'm talking about bags of ice.

My kids and I went to the grocery store.  When it was time to check out, my son bolted to the ice cooler.  He opened the door and stuck his head inside.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Sniffing ice."

The cashier smiled.  "Ice bags do have a rather exotic smell," he said.

"Bubba, get your head out of the cooler," I said.

He grinned.

Another cashier looked over.  "Oh, he's so cute!" she said.

"He's so crazy!" I corrected.

 I think he got it from his dad.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Little Miner

I took my kids to a museum today.  At the museum, there were several geodes and precious gems on display.  My son loves that stuff.  It inspired him to do a little geology of his own.

So we stopped at the museum gift store and picked up a quartz mining kit.  This kit consisted of a big block with four quartz specimens imbedded inside.  The kit also contained tools to chisel the quartz specimens from the block.

We took the kit home and my little guy went to work.  He wanted to do the project inside, but I knew that would've been a mistake.  I had him go outside on the driveway.

He started off very nicely chiseling the block.  I went inside to make dinner.

A few minutes later he came in the house completely covered with dust.

"Dude, you're filthy!" I said.

He grinned.  "I got two pieces out!"


"Yeah.   I found an easier way to get them out."

"What did you do?"

"I smashed them on the driveway with another big rock."

I had to go investigate.

Sure enough, the driveway was covered in dust and debris.  At the worksite was a very large rock.

"Dude, that's not how you're supposed to do it.  That's not very scientific!  You could harm the specimen!"

"So?  It was fun!  I want to be a miner when I grow up!"

Oh boy. 

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Movie Bust

It was free movie day at the theater today.  That was all fine and exciting...until we got into the theater.

The kids and I made our way to the top of the crowded theater and managed to find the last three consecutive chairs in a row.  We sat down and began munching on popcorn.  We munched, and munched, and munched.

Oddly, the show had not begun.  It was now twenty minutes past time.  The natives were getting restless.

"Why isn't the movie starting?" my daughter asked.

"I don't know," I said.  "This is most perplexing."

"I think it's a trick," my daughter said.  "They lured us in here so we would buy popcorn."

"I think you're right. We're just going to sit here in semi-darkness for two hours munching away."

That's pretty much what happened.  There was a problem with the projector.  After about forty minutes of waiting, the kids and I got up to leave.  Of course, the lights darkened just as we were about to exit. 

"Okay, let's try this again,"  I said.  We marched back up the steps to our seats.

We sat in the dark for seven more minutes.

"Let's go!" my daughter said.

We were about to go, when a movie started on the screen.  It wasn't the movie we were there to see.  It was Megamind.  "Okay," I said.  "Megamind is fine.  We can watch this."

Well, unfortunately the sound wasn't working.  We watched fifteen minutes of silent Megamind and decided enough was enough. We exited thinking what a wonderful adventure the whole thing was.

At least it was free! 

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

First Sleepover

"Mom, can I have a sleepover?"  my six-and-a-half year old son asked.

"Um," I said trying to imagine a sleepover with two six-year-old boys.  "Ask your father."

He went to his dad who said, "Ask your mother."


"Okay," I said.  "When did you want to have this thing?"


That wasn't much of a notice.

Nevertheless, I agreed and the little guy had his buddy over.

They had a great time.  Of course big sister, an experienced sleepover-er, had a few tips:  Have a big pillow fight at 10:00 PM, tell ghost stories until 11:00 PM, stay up until midnight.

Needless to say, the boys were a bit tired in the morning.  Still they thought it was the best sleepover ever.  

Monday, June 13, 2011

Tire Trouble

Today was my daughter's big dance recital.  We were all very excited about that .... until we went outside to get in my car. 

My car did not look so good.  One of the tires was noticably deflated. 

"Gosh darn it!" I exclaimed.  I went over to have a closer look.  That's when I saw it - a big silver nail stuck in my tire.

"I don't believe this!"

Fortunately my husband came to the rescue.  He got out the air compressor, and filled the tire.  Then he drove the car to Firestone.  They said they couldn't patch it, so he got a new tire.  Then he brought the car back and we all piled in to go to the recital.  We made it just in time!

I knew my husband was good for something!  (Actually, he's quite wonderful - he's good for a lot of things!)  Kudos to my husband for saving the day!


Saturday, June 11, 2011

Musician's Report from the Trenches

Okay, so this has nothing at all to do with being a Mom, but I thought you might still be interested.  This has to do with my career as a musician.  We musicians have a lot of stories to tell about performances - things that go on that the audience is completely unaware of.  Yet the show must go on.

Here's today's story.  I had to play for an outdoor wedding at Coney Island.  If you recall, the rehearsal was a couple of days ago, and I was sweating like crazy.  Today it was ten degrees cooler - only 85 degrees.  Yeah - it was still hot.

I set up my music on my stand and began playing.  Apparently, the bugs must have enjoyed my playing.  A little brown spider walked across my music the entire time.  I even shooed him off, but he made a little web and crawled back up.  A cute little lightening bug also crawled around on my stand the entire time.  I couldn't get rid of him either.  Then  there was the fruit fly.  That darn thing wouldn't stop going up my nose.  Do you know how difficult it is to play the violin when there's a bug crawling around inside your nose?

Yes, that's what was going on.  But nobody knew it.  They just thought the music was lovely.  Such is the life of a musician.

Friday, June 10, 2011

Why the Dog is Like Daddy

My kids and I had an interesting discussion around the lunch table today.  My daughter started it:

"That dog is just like Daddy!"

I looked at her quizzically.   "How so?"

"He's big and manly."

"And hairy," my son added.

"Yeah.  And he burps and farts."

"And he destroys trees."

I looked at my son.  "Daddy destroys trees?'

"Yeah - do you remember the one he weed-wacked?"

Oh, yeah.  Okay, so Daddy destroys trees and so does the dog.

Then I thought of one:  "He leaves messes wherever he goes!"

Yep.  The dog is just like Daddy.  

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Turn Up the Heat!

No.  Please don't!  I don't want to sweat anymore.  Today I had to play my violin outside for a wedding rehearsal.  It was a very nice rehearsal, except for the fact the it was 95 degrees and very humid.  Sweat was dripping down my back.  Sweat was dripping into my eyes.  I think my music was sweating too because it was rather soggy after the rehearsal. 

So after that sweaty ordeal, I had to run home to get my daughter to her dance class.  I piled my kids into the car, ran through the parking lot when we got there (because we were thirty mintes late), and got even sweatier.

That's when I looked down at my son's shoes.  He had on one blue tennis shoe and one red tennis shoe.

I shook my head.  More sweat rolled into my eyes.  I guess it doesn't matter.  Just give me a tall glass of ice water!

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

Terrorizing Creatures

I'm not sure about which to tell you first - my son terrorizing chickens, or my dog terrorizing our frog.  Let's start with the dog.

The beast has been very bad.  I supposed that's nothing new.  Today's big adventure, after dragging the hose container around the backyard (with the hose in it), involved our pet African clawed frog.  The gosh darn dog charged up the stairs to where the frog tank was.  I think he wanted a bath, but since the tub wasn't full, he went for the next best thing -the frog's aquarium.  He flicked off the lid with his big nose and stuck his face in the water.  He would've flipped the whole thing if I didn't grab him by the scruff and haul him out of there!  I think the frog must have had a heart attack.  He was swimming a little crazy in there after that incident!

Then there's my son.  We went to a local farm as part of our summer adventures.  My son spotted some roosters strutting around and decided he wanted to bother them.  He flapped his chicken wings and clucked after the roosters.  The roosters ran at the sight of such a ridiculous creature.  My son chased them around the barn and landed flat on his face when he slipped on a patch of gravel.

What a goof ball.  And all of this happened when it was 97 degrees outside.  Oy gewalt!     

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

School's Out

Today was the last day of school for my kids.  You'd think they'd be happy about that.  Nope.  My daughter was balling her eyes out. 

"I don't want school to end," she said.  "I love my teachers!"

Even my son was a little sad.  "I want to stay in kindergarten!"  he exclaimed.

Yeah.  I kind of wish they could stay in school.  Now I have to hear, "Mom, I'm bored!"  And they have to hear, "Clean up your stuff, right now!"

It's going to be a great summer!

Monday, June 6, 2011

Mr. Patch Eye

My six-year-old son has some serious allergy problems this time of year.  His eyes get all puffy and itchy.  They swell so much he can barely see out of them.  This morning when I went into his room to wake him up, I found him sound asleep - with pirate eye-patches on.

"Um, good morning," I said.

He stirred slightly.

I tried again.

"Good morning.  Time to get up!"

He woke up - a little discombobulated.

"Where am I?"  he asked.

"In your bed.  If you take those patches off of your eyes you might see something."

"Oh yeah. "

To make a long story short, he had put the patches on to prevent himself from rubbing his eyes.

Unfortunately, his eyes looked pretty bad under the patches, so he ended up wearing a patch to school.

Arrrr, matey! 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Haunted Home

No, I'm not talking about my home.  I'm talking about a nursing home where my daughter had a dance performance.  I'm telling you, this place looked gothic.  We pulled down a long tree-lined drive.  A cemetary was on the left side.  It creeped my daughter out.  Then we saw the building.  It looked just like a haunted mansion.

"Do I have to dance there?"  she asked.

"Yep.  Maybe you'll be dancing for some ghosts."

We walked up the steps and entered the building.  It was dark. 

"Where do we go?" my daughter asked.

One of the ghost residents answered the question.  "Go downstairs to the theater."

Okay.  We went downstairs to the theater.  It was dark down there too.  We tried turning on some lights, but the lights didn't work.  Then we looked at the stage.  It was covered with dust and cobwebs.  It didn't smell too great either.  We thought about using our hairspray as a room deodorizer.

"Ewww, do we have to dance there?"

"Ummm....let's see if we can find a broom."

Another mom found a broom and started sweeping.

Meanwhile another dancer entered the theater.  "This place is creeping me out!" she exclaimed. 

Yeah.  It was pretty scary.  I think the place was an old convent or something.

Anyway, the girls did a great job and the ghost residents really enjoyed the show.  Maybe we'll go back for Halloween.

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Marker Boy

Before I tell you this story, I'll finish yesterday's story.  Here's the recap:  I tried to take my daughter to a slumber party, but got terribly lost.  It looked like she wasn't going to attend.  After I finished teaching violin lessons, the mom called and gave the correct directions to the party.  These, of course were nothing like the directions that were given on Mapquest.  My daughter did get to the party - two hours late.  She had a great time.  So that story ended well.

Now here's the next story:  A couple of weeks ago, my son was grounded.  He had to spend several days in his room.  Somehow he managed to get a hold of a permanent marker.  He started drawing on all his stuffed animals, drawers, decorations, and bedding.  (This was not what he was grounded for.  This is what he did while he was grounded!)

Needless to say, I was not very happy!  I got the magic eraser out and scrubbed.   I thought I had gotten everything.  Then today, I discovered the inside of his closet.  He had traced his hand on the walls of the closet, and there were "handprints"  all over the walls. 

Ugh!  Now you know why this mama is a grouch! 

Friday, June 3, 2011

Slumber Party Bust

My daughter got invited to a slumber party.  This evening we packed her sleeping bag and everything she needed and headed out.  Let me just say, I can't stand the roads in Cincinnati.  Each one has at least three different names, and every time you make a turn, it's a different name.  Needless to say, I got lost.  It should have taken me 16 minutes to get there, but I was on the road 50 minutes!  I even got out and asked for directions, but nobody knew where the road was.  (I did call the number on the invite, but unfortunately, I got an answering machine.).

Finally, I decided it was time to go home and forget about it.  In fact, I was going to be late for my next lesson I had to teach.

I pulled into my street, and one of my students was pulling out.  I had forgotten about my 6:30 lesson!  So I totally messed up.  Argh! 

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Lego Master

I have had a lot of experience putting together Lego sets.  Today's project was a 592 piece set called, Emperor Palpatine's Shuttle.  I whipped that thing together in three hours.  If you know anything about Lego sets, you'd have to admit, that's pretty darn good!

Even my son was impressed.  "Mom, you're a Lego master!" he exclaimed.

"Does this mean I'm cool?" I asked.

"Yeah, totally!"

It's good to be cool! 

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Spa Queen

Do you remember that honey concoction my daughter made a couple of weeks ago?  You know - that stuff that she was going to have people slop on their face and call a beauty treatment?   She pulled it off.  She actually got people to buy it.  In fact, it sold out! 

"What are you talking about?" you ask.  I'm talking about the third grade sale in which third-graders had to come up with a product, market it, and sell it to second graders and some teachers.  My daughter decided to create spa products.  She mixed together all kinds of concoctions - honey, brown sugar,  and olive oil, lavender soap and  vegetable oil, sea salt, epsom salt, ginger, cinnamon, and olive oil, and made a whole line of spa products. 

I was impressed.  Maybe she should start a business!