Mama Diaries

Sunday, November 30, 2014

The Cleaning Game

I hope all of you American friends had a nice Thanksgiving!  We did.  And of course, after the feast, there was a huge clean up.  I enlisted the help of my kids.

"Bubba," I said.  "Please wash the cutting board."

"Okay, Mama," he said, and grabbed a sponge and dish washing soap.

A few minutes later, I checked on him.  It didn't look like he was making much progress.  "How's it going, Bubba?"

He grinned.  "Great!"

I stood next to him to inspect his work.  "Bubba, are you drawing on the cutting board with the soap?"

He shook his head.  "No, Mama. I'm practicing my cursive."  He pointed out his name written across the wooden board.  "Do you like it?"

"Sure.  Now you can practice seeing how fast you can erase it with the sponge!"

He did it super-fast.  "This cleaning game is fun!" he said.

"Good," I said.  "Because you can do it about ten more times with all the other pots and pans!"

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

The Happy Car

This afternoon, my son and I ventured out to do some last-minute Thanksgiving shopping.  As expected, the grocery store was packed.  There was hardly a spot in the parking lot to park my car.  Eventually I found one.  In Timbuktu.  I parked, and we trekked into the store.

Because of the long lines, it took quite a while to get our groceries and check out.  Usually when that happens, I pretty much end up forgetting where I parked my car.  Today was no exception. When we went back to the parking lot, we headed in the direction I thought I had left it.

"I don't see the car," I said, after walking down a very long row.

"Look for the happy car," my son said.

"The happy car?"

"Yes.  Your car is the only one that smiles on the front."

Okay.  I followed his advice and looked at the grills of the cars. Sure enough, I spotted a happy smiley face on one of the cars.  And guess what?  It was mine!

"See, Mama," Bubba said.  "You have the happy car!"

And before I go, I'd like to wish all of you who celebrate, a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

If You Had a Time Machine . . .

"Mama," my ten-year-old son said.  "What year would you go to if you had a time machine?"

I thought about that.  "I guess I'd go about a thousand years into the future.  Just because I'm curious about what life would be like then."

Bubba nodded. "Do you know what year I'd go to?"

"No.  What year?"


"1560?" I thought that was a pretty odd year to choose.  "Why?"

Bubba gave me a big grin.  "Because that's the year before school was invented. And I don't want to have to go to school!"

Sunday, November 23, 2014

Oh How I Miss You Blog Fest

It is time for the How I Miss You Blogfest!

Hosted by

It's all about the bloggers you miss and the ones you would miss if they were gone.
So here we go.  Of course I'd miss all of you if you were gone.  You're the people who make blogging so much fun, and the reason I sit here sharing my crazy stories day after day.  Thank you for making this such a great community!

Here are the bloggers I've been missing:  David Walston.  He's a big Dr. Who fan, and I always loved his posts and comments.  I hope he comes back!  And then there's Dana.   She's probably really busy with her new baby, but I sure miss her Friday Funnies and Sunday Inspirations.  Finally, there's Arni.  She had a baby, too.  I've only seen her a couple of times since then.  But she was always such a nice person, and felt like a kindred spirit.  I hope some day she returns!

Here are the bloggers I'd miss if they were gone. Holy Ghost Writer.  He's got some pretty interesting stories from the Order, explaining  why things are the way they are.  Heather Holden.  She's a very talented comic writer.  I enjoy her series that she posts.  And Medeia Sharif.  I've never seen anyone work so hard with writing.  I love reading about her goals and accomplishments. She's quite an inspiration!  

Who would you miss if they were gone?   

Friday, November 21, 2014

School on Fire

It was quite a morning!  Not the usual routine of dropping my kid off  at school and cruising home.  When I went to my daughter's middle school, smoke was pouring out of the building.  The school was on fire!

"Get back in the car!" the principal was shouting.  "No drop offs!"

I was directed to a safe location, outside, where students and teachers were waiting.  My daughter exited the car with a pile of books and croissants (for her French class fete).  Of course the croissants spilled out of the package, onto the ground as she got out, adding to the chaos.

"Keep moving," one of the teachers instructed.  So I couldn't even stay to make sure she'd be okay.  The fire trucks screamed in as I left the school property.  I only hoped my daughter was in good hands!

Later, she called.  The administration had moved all the students into the nearby high school gymnasium.  The problem was an electrical fire due to construction at the school.  So now my daughter is sitting in a gym with about 800 kids.  I was going to pick her up, but she said she'd rather stay, since I wasn't allowed to bring her friends home, too.

On the bright side,  at least she has food, even if it is a little sprinkled with dirt!

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Paper Sandwiches

Sometimes I really screw things up.  Like yesterday.

I had made sandwiches for my kids' lunches.  Nice turkey and cheese sandwiches. Or so I thought.  Apparently, I didn't do such a good job, because when my kids came home from school, they asked me the same question:  "Mom, why was there paper in my sandwich?"

"Paper?" I asked.  "There was paper in your sandwich?"  It just couldn't be!

Yes, it could.  When I added the cheese, the stupid paper that they put between the slices in the package, stuck.  I had given my kids  turkey, cheese, paper sandwiches.

I had to do some quick thinking.  "Oh, yeah,"  I said.  "Paper.  It just adds a little flavor!"

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Helicopter Signal

Yesterday, when my son and I were walking home from the bus stop, my boy did something unexpected.  (Which if you know him, shouldn't be unexpected at all.)

He stopped, stuck him arms out on either side, and proceeded to spin in circles.

"Dude," I said.  "What exactly are you doing?"

He stopped.  A huge grin was plastered on his face.  "I'm signaling helicopters!"

I raised my eyebrows and looked up.  The sky was perfectly blue, and there wasn't one helicopter in sight.  "Um, I don't see any helicopters, so I'm not sure your signal is very effective."

"Yes it is.  There are lots of helicopters, Mama . . .  In my head!"

(I'm afraid my boy has inherited the imagination gene from me.  He has one colorful world between his ears!)  

Monday, November 17, 2014

Big Dreams

My ten-year-old son is already contemplating getting his first wheels.  He's ready to drive.  Or so he thinks.  He's been taking a look at different car models, trying to determine which car he'd like.  So far, he seems to have an affinity for sports cars.  No surprise there.

Yesterday, we were driving around, and he noticed a very nice-looking vehicle.  "Mama, what's that?" he asked.

"A Lamborghini," I answered.

"I want one of those for my first car," he said.  "Would you buy it for me?"

I tried not to have a heartache.  "Dude.  There is no way I'm buying that for your first car or your last car!"  

I glanced in the rear view mirror and saw his puzzled look.  "But why not?" he asked.

"Because your Mama doesn't have money for one of those.  So you'd better get a good job.  Because if you ever get a Lamborghini, you're going to have to buy it yourself!"

(And then maybe he can buy me one, too!)

Friday, November 14, 2014

The Snow Dance

It's gotten a little cold down here in Georgia.  The thermometer says it's a balmy 27 degrees Fahrenheit - perfect weather for snow.

The kids around here are very excited about the prospect of having big fluffy flakes falling from the sky.  So excited, in fact, that they had to do a little dance.

I had gone to the bus stop to pick up my son after school, and found a very interesting sight.  Seven kids were in the middle of the street, jumping up and down,  waving their hands, and shouting who-only-knows what.

"Okay, kids," I said.  "First of all, you need to get out of the street.  I don't want any of you ending up as pancakes!  Second, what in the world are you doing?"

"The snow dance!" one kid said.

"The snow dance?"

"Yeah!  It's going to make it snow.  Guaranteed!"

I nodded.  "Okay.  We'll see how that works."

So here we are, almost 24 hours later, and still no snow.  I think they'd better work on their technique.  (Or maybe just try flushing ice cubes down the toilet, like we did in Ohio.  It worked every time!)    

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

The UGG Toy

Our German Shepherd, Schultz, is in big trouble!

My daughter had left her UGG boots in the middle of the family room floor.  Schultz spotted them and decided they looked like chew toys.  If these had been any other boots, it wouldn't have been such a big deal.  But these things cost 200 dollars.

He parked himself on the floor, with the boots between his paws, and proceeded to chew away.

My daughter discovered it first.  "Schultz!!!!  Bad dog!!!!"

She ran into the room and yanked the boots away from the beast.  Of course they had slobber all over them.  (I don't think he tore them, but once you get UGG boots wet, they're destroyed.) "Schultz, you ruined my boots!"

He cocked his head and looked at her.

"You're grounded, Schultz!  Forever!"

So now the dog is in the dog house.  Maybe while he's there he can learn the difference between the word, "UGG" and "TUG."  I think he just got confused.


Monday, November 10, 2014

Attic of Sand and Secrets

My blog friend, Medeia Sharif has a new book out:  The Attic of Sand and Secrets.  It sounds really awesome!  I'll be reading it shortly, and then I'll post a review.

by Medeia Sharif

Vendor links will be updated on Medeia’s site.

Middle Grade Historical and Fantasy, Featherweight Press, November 2014

Lily, a learning disabled girl, attempts to unravel the mystery of her abducted mother using supernatural clues from an ancient stranger, even when it means posing a danger to herself.

Learning-disabled Lily desires to prove herself, although her mind freezes when presented with big problems - such as her mother's abduction. With a French father and Egyptian mother, Lily worries that her mother hid her ethnicity from her French in-laws. However, there's something deeper going on. Lily finds a way into an attic that's normally locked and encounters a mysterious, moonlit Egyptian night world. There she finds Khadijah, an ancient stranger who guides her to finding clues about her mother's whereabouts. Lily becomes a sleuth in both the real world and magical desert, endangering herself as she gets closer to the kidnapper.

The book takes place in 1976. Every host for this book blast is going to post one fun fact for that year. For some of you, this will bring back memories. For younger blog readers, you'll learn something new.

1976 was the year Jimmy Carter was named Times Magazine's Man of the Year. 

Find Medeia – Multi-published YA and MG Author

Blog   |    Twitter</ a>   |   Goodreads   |   Instagram   |   Amazon

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Mama Ninja

Look out, everybody.  This Mama has nun-chucks.  And I know how to use them!

In Krav Maga class, we had a nun-chuck training session.  My son and I learned some really cool ninja moves with them.

Of course, when I came home, I had to show my husband my smooth moves.  He was very impressed.  "Whoa, woman!  Remind me not to get you mad!"

My son chimed in.  "Yeah.  She's the all powerful Mama Ninja!  Don't mess with her!"

(That's right.  And don't you forget it!)

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Mama Gets an "F"

It's pretty much universally known that my handwriting stinks.  (And if you didn't know that, now you do.)  My students are always saying that they can't read my writing.  Even my son's second grade teacher commented on my poor penmanship.  It's bad when that happens!

So yesterday, I wrote the word, "Excellent" across one of my student's assignments.  The student, a third-grader, said, "Mrs. Ellis, why did you write, 'Elephant' on my paper?"

"That doesn't say, 'Elephant.'  It says, 'Excellent.'"

The girl frowned.  "That's not how you make an 'x.'" She took a pencil and demonstrated how to properly make an "x" and how to properly write, "excellent."  "Now you try," she said when she was finished.

I took the pencil and did my best to write legibly.

The girl looked at it when I was done.  She shook her head.  "That's still not right!"  Then she took the pencil and gave me a big "F-" at the top.  "You might be a good music teacher," she said. "But you need to go back to school to learn how to write!"

Uh.  Okay.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Bootsy and the Buzzard

Time for a cat story.  If you've been following a while, you may know that our cat, Bootsy, is a violent killer.  No little critter is safe at our pad.  Even our giant German Shepherd, Schultz, has gotten a scratch or two from the ferocious feline.

Apparently, all of Bootsy's killings have attracted buzzards (also known as turkey vultures).  These rather large birds like to feast on carnage.  And Bootsy has provided plenty of that.  This morning, I found Bootsy and a buzzard having a stare down.  Bootsy had made a kill which he left in the backyard.  A buzzard had come down and was standing near the kill.  Bootsy didn't like that one bit!  It was his, and he was going to defend it!

That crazy cat, who was half the size of the buzzard, approached the bird and parked himself right next to his prized carnage.  He sat there, staring at the buzzard.  The buzzard sat there, staring at Bootsy.  I wondered who was going to win. Would Bootsy end up as a buzzard meal, or would the buzzard end up as a Bootsy meal?

Schultz, meanwhile, had observed the whole thing.  He sat next to me, watching.

"What do you think, Schultz?"

He looked at me and made a little whine sound.

That's when I decided it was time to let Schultz loose.  He charged out the back door and went into full attack mode.  That buzzard knew he didn't have a chance.  And Bootsy knew he'd better get out of the way!

After the yard was cleared, Schultz went over to sniff the carnage.  I guess it didn't interest him, because he trotted back to me and wagged his tail.

"Good boy, Schultz!"  I said.

I hope Bootsy remembers this, because now he owes Schultz one!

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Ten Plus Nine

"Mom," my teenage daughter said.  "See if you can complete the sentence."

I looked at her quizzically.  "Okay.  What sentence?"

"First thing's first . . ."

That sounded like the lyrics to Iggy Azalea's song.  "I'm a realist,"  I said.

"Good job, Mom!  You got one right.  Here's another.  What's nine plus ten?"

"Nineteen," I answered, as any somewhat intelligent person would say.


"What do you mean, 'Wrong'?  Ten plus nine is nineteen!"

She grinned at me, "You're stupid!"

"Excuse me?"  I said.  "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid!"

"No, look Mom!"  She pulled up a video on her iPod.

I just don't know what to say.  First I learned this week that Christopher Columbus came to Canada in 1942 in a kayak called the Pina Colada. Now I'm told that ten plus nine equals twenty-one.  Wow.  Maybe I am stupid!

Sunday, November 2, 2014

Winners of Giveaway and Krakens are Real!

Thanks to everyone who stopped by for the Trick-or-Treat giveaway!  I was just going to give away two books, but I decided to give away a whole bunch of them, because you guys are so awesome.

So, drum roll please.

The winners are:  Michelle Willms, C. Lee Mckenzie, Crystal Collier, DMS, and Christine Raines.  I'll be contacting you shortly, to let you know and get mailing information.

Now for the story:

"Mama," my ten-year-old son said.  "Did you know Krakens are real?"

I looked at that kid and shook my head.  "Krakens are not real.  Those are creatures from mythology."

"They're real," he insisted.  "I read about them in a book.  They live in the deepest part of the ocean.  Let me show you."  He grabbed a book about monsters and showed me a picture.

"Dude," I said.  "You can't believe everything you read in a book."

He ignored my comment.  "And do you know what else?"

"What else, Bubba?"

"Megalodons are real!"

"They used to be, but now they're extinct," I said.

"No, they're not.  It said on the Discovery Channel that a couple were recently spotted."

Of course I didn't believe him, so he made me watch a video.

Well.  Those were certainly some big sharks!

(For those worried about Krakens and Megalodons in our oceans, I did a little more research.  It turns out there was a disclaimer on the Discovery Channel special that said the footage was fictitious.  There are no Megalodons in our ocean.  The jury is still out regarding the Krakens.)